June 2003

Views expressed are those of the authors, not necessarily of the AFSC.

Compassionate Listening

Munteha Shukralla, an Arab-American from Seattle, is a delegation leader and board member of the Compassionate Listening Project (The Compassionate Listening Project, POB 17, Indianola, WA 98342; 360-297-2280; www.compassiontelistening.org). She conducted this training in May 2003 in Bethlehem. Since this account was written it has become increasingly difficult for people, even with US passports, to cross into the Occupied Territories.

It is hard to describe what has happened these last three or four days, but I wanted you all to know that good work is happening here. We just completed a three-day compassionate listening training in Bethlehem, just a seven-minute drive and an Israeli checkpoint away from our hotel in Jerusalem.

There were 25 Palestinians in the training and countless things we did not anticipate. We ended up re-vamping our entire training on the spot, in accordance with where people were, and their needs. At one point my co-leader and I just decided to stop the training and do what was actually needed, which was to sit and listen to them (duh). There were lawyers, psychologists, Palestinian peace-workers, conflict resolution people, and teachers at the training, 20 men and 5 women, Christians, Muslims, old and young. We had to turn people away. Even with all our concerns about "are they getting it?," I just trusted that "I work, and the format works." At the ending circle last night, we finally got it...they got it. One woman came up to me afterwards, crying, and told me that these were the best three days of her life, and when would we be back.

Another man, who did not talk at all during the training, finally spoke in our completion circle, he said "I have never shared this with anyone, but because of how I have been heard here this weekend, I feel I can share it with you all. I have been afraid of what people would think of me, but I feel that the only way is to work with the Israelis. I participated in a march with the Israeli Co-existence Association a few months ago. And I know what some people would say about me because of this, but this weekend I realized that I did the right thing, and I will keep doing these things in order to make the peace."

Another man, an engineer, at one point said, "you are talking about listening, but what about how I live? What about my rights? How will listening make the Israelis give me my freedom? Give me back my house they destroyed last month? What about my family who lives 10 minutes away that I cannot visit?" I had determined that I would not hold any illusions that this training would lead them to want to listen to Israelis. They are in so much pain, I just wanted to allow some relief for them, and leave them with what is possible with compassionate listening, and if they choose to use it in this conflict, then that is great.

But when this man said this, I realized that it was time to speak to it. I said "I understand that you cannot move freely and that you are humiliated and disrespected. I am not here to say that you should lay down and accept everything. What I want to say is that there is another way. The way you have been going about this hasn't worked, right? You will probably never get what you want from the Israelis. This is predictable, right? So let us try something new." I then shared with him my experience with the Israeli soldier that I listened to, and apologized to, and how he then was curious as to how life is for Palestinians, but he never would have been if I had just fought him. It was an amazing moment.

I have felt as though I have been walking a tightrope. On one hand, I am a peacemaker, on another, I am an Arab. I must gain trust, and stand for something. It has been very painful and hard for me. But I have been true to myself. I feel that they know this, and this is why they are able to listen to what I stand for, and really, the truth is, it is what they stand for as well. As one man put it, "you are not telling us anything new, but you are like the aim of the arrow, you will show us the way with what we already know, which is that we must love all people."

We invited four of these trainees to attend our advanced training in Jerusalem on Saturday, which would include Israelis. I was so moved by their courage. After all, I get to walk in and out of Bethlehem with my American passport, yet they cannot leave their town even to go the five minutes to the adjacent village. Bethlehem is like a ghost town, everything is closed, Manger Square empty, except for the Palestinian Christians that visit it. Yet there these people were, trapped physically, yet alive. I kept hearing from them all, "I want to do any workshop or seminar I can so I can improve myself, and make a good life for myself. I just want to live."

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