How to Respond to Verbal Or Physical Violence at Vigils and Protests

We're at a protest, and suddenly a furious bystander is screaming at us. There is no magic message or formula for how to repond, but some de-escalation techniques can be helpful.

Join Us

We're most effective when our attitude and message to others is, in the words of Daniel Ellsberg, "Join us," instead of, "You're evil."

If the person directed their comments at an individual or particular individuals within the group, it is important for other vigilers to act as allies, telling them, "I'm appalled by the abusive comments they made to you. How are you doing?"

Nonviolent Engagement

If a person approaches you at a demonstration yelling or swearing, assess how ready you are to respond nonviolently and assertively. If you're not confident about this, it's a good time to move away from the person. If you decide to engage and you're feeling tense, before you encounter someone, shrug your shoulders up, then release and exhale, or use any of your own 5-second calming techniques.

There are times when you and a partner (or a few partners) might want to position yourselves between the threatening person(s) and the rest of the demonstrators, but with your hands open (holding hands works too), and your body as loose as you can keep it (not in a tense, pushing mode).

If they are angry at the message of the demonstration, then offering to listen can be a powerful defusing approach. The goal here is not to convince them of your point of view, but to deflect and reduce danger. "I want to understand what you're angry about. Would you be willing to tell me over here?" You want to offer moving to a side of the vigil or demonstration, an area closer to more peacekeepers, or an area further away from the most provocative or volatile of "our" protesters.

Ask questions and then listen, listen, listen. Try to make a personal connection. Share your first name and ask theirs. Try to find something you can agree with or affirm. For example, try, "I'm glad we agree about the importance of freedom." Try to resist the urge to add the, "but" after those statements; this isn't a debate.

If you can't find anything to affirm, ask to see if you understood what they're saying, "If I understand you, you believe it's vital to support the President during times of crisis?" Asking where they grew up, or asking about a necklace, tattoo, t-shirt, or, in the case of police officers, medals, can help open up lines of dialogue.

Unexpected Kindness

If there are protesters on "our" side who, in your opinion, are escalating the situation by yelling or saying abusive things back to them, it might be important for you to try to de-escalate those on "our" side first by saying something like, "I'm uncomfortable hearing you yell. Let's talk instead." Seeing us confront our own can be a powerful defusing tactic.

Responding in an unexpectedly kind way can also be disarming. Offering an antagonistic person a sip of water, a stick of gum, or some food, for example, is surprisingly humanizing.

Dealing with Physical Attacks

If you're afraid they will attack physically, then loudly reminding everyone that we have agreed to respond nonviolently also communicates that message to the potential attackers. You might want to suggest that folks move away, sing something simple or silly ("Sesame Street," sung badly, for example, sends a positive signal and can be comical enough to change the mood) and/or to sit down as a group.

If a counter-demonstrator attacks someone physically, others can interpose themselves nonviolently between the attacker and the person being attacked. One method is to hug and pull away the person being attacked. This is especially effective en masse. The mass of hugging people should literally revolve (sometimes this means rolling on the ground) so that fewer blows land on any one person. Someone should explain, "We're not attacking you. We're hugging our friend."

Sam first saw this method in 1984 when Ralph DiGia, then 69, was extricated from police kicks by a knot of rolling huggers. The hugging method can also be useful to gently restrain one of "our" protesters (or a provocateur), who wants to jump in, attack back, and endanger everyone more by escalating the situation.

If you're attacked, visibly relax all your muscles, and describe what's happening. Statements along the lines of, "Ouch, you're hurting me. You're stepping on my wrist," can reduce the intensity of attacks. It might also motivate one of their friends to tell them to knock it off. It the attacker is a police officer, bringing cameras toward the scene and informing them that photos are being taken, and/or asking what their name and badge number are, sometimes angers an attacker, but is also often effective.

The tone we set is more important than using particular phrases or tactics. There's never any guarantee about how anyone will respond to us, but we can develop our own conflict resolution skills and choose how we want to act.